yes, i had a great time yesterday.
i cannot deny this
and i thank you for that.
i enjoy every second being with you.
but at the later part of the day,
i thought i would went home,
all happy and would be the happiest girl for once.
honestly, i did not.
and both of my world's bestest girlfriends
were there for me when i needed a listening ear.
fina called me at the right time
and shasha smsed and called me listening to my cries.
they knew and exactly how to be my only 'confort zone'.
when i read my gf's blog, it really hit me hard.
yesterday, i was uberly down.
simply because of the fact that,
i have the fear overcoming myself,
fear of losing someone whom i have feelings for,
and that the feelings will soon developed.
fear of getting hurt, fear of the flashbacks about my past,
fear of being betrayed.
after what happened yesterday at the end of the day,
you were not there when i needed you.
that is how i felt. and noone can change that fact,
not even you.
and you indeed called me. yes, i thank you for that.
i thank you for what you had at least helped me.
but the only thing i needed was you and only you.
but my girlfriends were there first.
my girlfriends had helped me up when i fell.
and not you.
my heart was really torn apart,
and they helped me stitched the pieces together.
and not you.
where were you?
i was left all alone walking away, and heading back home,
without u holding me back and
even asking if i was going to be alright.
i realised that maybe you are not the one/guy,
for me and i dont deserve to have you at all.
i have doubts holding me back,
and am afraid to speak out my mind to you.
i do like you but do you?
i need security and i want to be loved,
to be respected and accepted just the way i am.
i want to learn how to trust and love someone again.
and i dont know how to.
will you?
will you leave me maybe tomorrow, or the day after?
will i hear honest answers coming out from ur mouth?
i dont know. im on the verge of giving up.
i need reassurance.
i dont know how to ask this from you.
im tired of all these games :/
period.
